Menopause can feel like a plot twist no one warned you about. One minute you're coasting through life, the next your favourite pair of jeans feels like sandpaper and your once-reliable natural lubrication decides to ghost you. But dryness isn’t the end of desire, it’s just a new chapter in how we get close.
Let’s talk about vaginal dryness, lube, and how to bring comfort, confidence, and connection back into the bedroom (or couch, or wherever you like to play).
Why does vaginal dryness happen during menopause?
Spoiler alert: menopause doesn’t arrive overnight. Perimenopause (the lead-up to menopause) can last for years. During this time, estrogen levels start to decline, leading to changes in the vaginal tissue: thinner walls, less flexibility, reduced blood flow. All of which can make things feel, well… drier.
Add stress, certain medications, or skipping foreplay (don’t do that), and dryness can become more noticeable. The result? Discomfort, irritation, or even pain during intimacy. But none of this means your body is broken, it’s just asking for a little extra support.
Think of it as tuning in to new signals. Your body is still capable of pleasure, it just needs a different kind of care.
How can I increase my lubrication during perimenopause
Lubrication isn’t just a physical thing, it’s emotional, too. Stress, fatigue, and self-consciousness can all affect arousal. Supporting your body through menopause means approaching pleasure like a practice, not a performance.
Here’s what helps:
- Hydration and healthy fats: Water, omega-3s, avocado, they all support your body’s natural moisture.
- Movement and blood flow: Think yoga, walking, or even dancing in your underwear, it all boosts circulation.
- Arousal time: Desire takes longer to warm up when estrogen drops. That’s normal. Give yourself (and your partner) permission to slow down.
- Vaginal moisturisers: Not just for sex. These can be part of your daily self-care routine, like skincare, for down there.
What is the best lubricant for menopausal women?
Here’s the thing: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The best lube for menopause is the one that supports your comfort, your preferences, and your kind of play.
But there are some qualities to look for:
- pH-balanced
- Free from parabens, glycerin, or synthetic fragrances
- Hydrating and long-lasting
- Formulated with vaginal tissue in mind
When estrogen declines, your vaginal pH can shift, making the tissue more sensitive. That’s why products made with soothing, natural ingredients (like aloe vera or plant oils) are key.
Lubricants and vaginal moisturisers are different but complementary, moisturisers hydrate the vaginal walls over time, while lubricants reduce friction in the moment. You can use both.
The best lubes for menopausal dryness (and why we love them)
Let’s break down your options:
Water-based lubricants
Gentle, versatile, and compatible with condoms and toys. Perfect for sensitive skin and quick moments of connection.
Our go-to? Tussle’s Playmate, a water-based lube made with aloe vera, designed to mimic your body’s natural moisture without any stickiness.
It's
- Fragrance-free
- pH-balanced
- Hydrating and soothing
- Suitable for all life stages (including post-menopause)
You can also use Playmate daily as a vaginal moisturiser, think of it as hydration you don’t have to wait to enjoy.
Oil-based lubricants
Richer, longer-lasting, and perfect for slower, more sensual play. Ideal for massages or extended sessions.
Our favourite? Tussle’s Extra Virgin, a luscious blend of unrefined coconut, jojoba, and castor oils. It nourishes the skin while providing that effortless glide.
It’s:
- 100% natural and plant-based
- Infused with Vitamin E for skin nourishment
- Naturally scented (without any artificial fragrance)
- Shower-sex approved
Just note: oil-based lubes aren’t compatible with latex condoms or silicone toys, but they’re divine for skin-on-skin connection.
How to use lube for menopausal dryness
Don’t wait until you feel uncomfortable, start with lube from the very beginning. Apply it generously to yourself, your partner, or your toys. It’s not just about easing friction; it’s about enhancing sensation, connection, and confidence.
You can also make lube part of your self-care ritual outside of intimacy. Apply a small amount of Playmate after a shower to keep your vaginal tissue hydrated, soft, and comfortable throughout the day.
A reminder: lube isn’t a sign of aging, dryness, or dysfunction. It’s a tool for pleasure. A small bottle of permission to enjoy yourself fully.
How to talk to your partner about menopausal changes
The truth is, dryness doesn’t just affect your body, it can affect your confidence and your communication. But talking about it can be a powerful act of intimacy.
Start gently. You don’t need a PowerPoint presentation, just honesty. You might say:
“I’ve noticed my body’s changing, and sometimes sex feels different. I’d love to explore how we can make it feel good again, together.”
Framing it as something you’ll figure out as a team keeps things collaborative, not clinical. You’re not apologising for your body; you’re inviting your partner into a deeper kind of connection.
If your partner seems unsure, involve them in the exploration, choosing a new lube together, extending foreplay, or slowing down can make intimacy feel playful again. Remember: pleasure thrives in curiosity, not perfection.
Tips for better sex during menopause
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Make foreplay the main event. Arousal takes longer when hormones shift, so think of touch, kissing, and conversation as part of the experience, not just a warm-up.
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Explore beyond penetration. Massage, mutual touch, toys, even shower play, there are countless ways to connect that don’t rely on old scripts.
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Stay curious about your body. What feels good might be different now, explore temperature, pressure, rhythm. The map has changed, but the destination’s still yours.
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Don’t rush. Slowness isn’t boring, it’s luxurious. Linger in what feels good.
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Use lube like skincare. Normalise it, love it, leave it on the bedside table.
Reframing intimacy during menopause
Menopause can shift your relationship with your body, sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically. But it can also deepen your understanding of what turns you on and what makes you feel close.
This stage of life is an invitation to explore touch, connection, and communication in new ways. Whether that’s trying a new type of foreplay, a different pace, or a new kind of product, there’s no expiry date on exploration.
Menopause doesn’t mean less intimacy. It just means more lube, more awareness, and (if you let it) more pleasure.
The bottom line?
Menopause might change your relationship with your body, but it doesn’t have to diminish your intimacy. With the right support (be it water-based lubricants, oil-based companions, or silicone-based slickness) you can rediscover comfort, confidence, and connection on your own terms.
Menopause doesn’t mean less sex, it just means more lube.
Want to try something that plays nice with menopausal dryness?
Playmate for hydration and softness.
Extra Virgin for rich, sensual, longer sessions.
Because comfort is sexy. And so are you.
